A Healing Touch

A long exhausting day with my baby. Samantha wants to be held more than my other two children ever did. I'm lucky if she'll let me put her down for more than 10 minutes. I've tried putting her in a sling so that she can feel held and I can still get things done. Sometimes she gives into me and puts up with the sling, but usually she protests.

Samantha cries a lot, too. Some of it is because she's still weeks old and it's completely normal for her to cry as much as she does. Some of it is because her tummy hurts as she seems to be suffering from acid reflux like her older sister did. Some of it is just her personality and she just likes to let you know when she doesn't like something. But whatever the reason, it wears me out physically and emotionally.

Until, around 9:00 at night, she settles down as her body prepares for her night of sleep. She becomes quiet and still. Her body gets heavy. There's a gentleness that comes over her. She even seems to smell sweeter. My husband offers to take her from me to give me a break. But I refuse. There is something healing in this moment. As I hold her against my chest and rest my check on the top of her little head I feel myself falling in love with her all over again. I hold her tighter soaking in every moment with her. All the stress and tiredness from the day melt away. I sense that they melt away for Samantha, too. We rest. We forgive. We enjoy being together. Mother and baby are bonded.

A story like this probably doesn't come as much of a surprise to you, especially if you're a mom. Even before our babies were born we see adds and read articles all emphasizing the importance of touch in creating bonds with your baby. But let me share a different story with you.

It has been a long exhausting day. Nate has had two time outs and one long temper tantrum in his room. I feel like I have been nagging him all day to clean up his messes, to stop picking on his older sister, to listen, to talk to me in a different way, to stop whining. It's 6:00 in the evening and I've just had another confrontation with him. I see his little face look defeated. He's on the verge of tears as he realizes he once again has not lived up to his mother's expectations. But this time I pause. I sense there is a division between the two of us that keeps getting bigger. My mother's heart wants to reach out to my son.

This time I do hand Samantha over to my husband. And instead of dealing out a consequence, I tell Nate to come to me. I lift up all 45 pounds of my big boy and hold him. Not just a hug, but hold him against my chest. I place my cheek on the top of his head and soak in the feeling of my little boy wrapped around me. Gradually, I feel the stress and tiredness of my day with Nate melt away. I feel Nate's body relax, too. I rub his back and stroke his hair and I whisper, "I love you, Bud," into his ear. We rest. We forgive. I fall in love with my little boy all over again. A healing moment. Mother and baby are bonded.

I am convinced that the healing and bonding power of touch does not end with our children once they stop being babies. Try it with your own children...even your older ones...and see if I'm right.

Let Me Hold You Longer

It has been three weeks since my last post. Laying beside me, sound asleep (finally), is my new sweet baby girl, Samantha Caroline.

When she was born, she was 8 pounds 5.7 ounces and 20.5 inches. Definitely a good-sized baby but still so tiny.

Samantha Caroline Wood born June 17th 5:06pm

I held her and touched her and explored her little features and smelled her and loved her. So tiny. So sweet. So new.

And then my two older children came into the room to see me and meet their new little sister. Let me rephrase that. GIANTS came into my room to see me and their new sister. Oh my gosh! My 4 1/2 and 6 1/2-year olds were so huge! It took my breath away. It sounds weird to say, but I almost didn't recognize them. It was hard to get my mind around the fact that these were my babies, too. Only, they weren't babies anymore. They were big kids even though both of them started out tiny like Samantha was now. What happened? When did they get so big?

Tomorrow, June 8th Samantha will be three weeks old. When I hold her, I can't believe how big she has already gotten. She weighs almost two pounds more than she did when she was born and is almost three inches longer. And I want her to stop.

I think the thing that most first-time moms are told the most through their pregnancy and first year of parenthood is, "It goes by so fast. Enjoy it while you can." I'm sure most first-time moms are like I was. The months of interrupted sleep seemed to never end. Time did not seem to go by fast as I just tried to get through one day after another. In the midst of my exhaustion and frustrations and just plain operating in new-mom survival mode, hearing "it goes by so fast" came in one ear and out the other...until I walked my daughter up to her classroom on her first day of kindergarten.

When my son was born, I had him and a two-year-old. While I wasn't as stressed about how to parent him as I was with my first, I now was always on the go. My son came along for the ride as I shuttled my daughter to preschool, playgroups, and my work-related appointments. Regretfully, once again, I was just mostly getting through each day. This fall, my son will be attending school full-time five days a week. He's so big. Where did the time go?

And so, as I hold Samantha, I tell her to "stop it!" Stop growing so fast. I'll take the exhaustion, and the sleepless nights, and the wanting to nurse every two hours during the day, and the gazillion poopy diapers to just hang on a little longer to this infancy stage. Because it's gone so fast. I already see it slipping away. And I'll never experience this stage again as a mother (99% sure of that).

I do look forward to each new stage my children will go through. I can't wait until Samantha is old enough to talk so I can get to know her in a deeper way and begin to see who she really is going to be as a person. It will be fun to see Nate develop new friendships and grow academically and emotionally next year and see what new qualities this brings out in him. And I'm enjoying watching Isabella emerge into a full-blown school-aged girl that includes deeper conversations and being able to participate in more "grown-up" activities with me.

But, I also want to try to live in the moment more with my children and enjoy where they're at. Because while every stage will come with it's own set of challenges that I won't miss saying good-bye to, each one also has very special and unique qualities that I will miss once my kids grow out of them.

Karen Kingsbury wrote a great children's book that every parent should read. She begins her book "Let Me Hold You Longer" like this:

Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts...

Whether you're a first-time parent or a veteran, will you join me in an effort to more intentionally focus on and appreciate the stages that our children are in now? You can start by commenting below on what you love about the stage your child(ren) are in now.