Isabella and Nate were flipping through channels on the TV last week. Isabella paused for a moment on the news. Something caught her eye. "Oh," she said. "It's just about an earthquake." She went to reach for the remote to change the channel again.
I stopped her.
"Actually you guys," I said, "it's not just an earthquake. It's a very sad and terrible thing that has happened."
There is definitely balance needed when talking to kids about devastation, disasters, violence, hurt, heartache, death. Especially with young children. Things that happen outside their own sphere of experience, particularly events in another country far away, are abstract and difficult to get little minds around, regardless of whether it's good or bad. It's hard for adults to get our minds around.
And yet, I don't want to raise my children completely sheltered from the "bad" of the world despite the part of me that wants my children to believe the world is all about Popsicles, swings, and playgroups. It seems easier to let them believe that the only death in the world is the death of a pet fish and that "starving" is what we say when it's way past when we should have had dinner. Exposing them to the ugly side of life is a lot harder. But I want my kids to be compassionate toward others. I want them to learn that the world isn't all about them. That there are many hurting people in this world and we can play a role in healing some of those wounds. I don't want a child who sees the coverage of the earthquake in Haiti and it's victims to be so used to me changing the channel, just so they won't be upset by what they see, that they don't know to feel sorrow for the suffering of other people. Or worse, a child who doesn't even realize that there are other people in the world suffering while we sit in our warm house playing our Wii and eating chocolate brownies.
And so I told my children about the earthquake. I told them about how poor the country was and how little the people there had in concrete ways they could understand. I told them that the children there didn't have rooms full of toys and that many people there didn't even have televisions. I told them that many homes didn't have sinks and toilets with running water. They already had very little. And then the earthquake came and destroyed almost all of the buildings in the city. The very little they had got lost. Their homes fell. Their work places fell. Many many many people died. And the people there are very very sad and scared.
My kids grew silent processing what this all meant. Then they asked questions, and I let them. I helped them process the information they were hearing to the best of their developmental ability. But I also included hope for them. We talked about how people from all over the world were coming to help them. I told them people from our country were sending food and supplies. I told them our church and many other churches were praying for them and that they could, too.
Just as important, I reassured my children that this happened in a country far away. The earthquake was not in our city. We are safe. Our buildings are stronger. We have more resources. We are fortunate that our situation is very different from the people in Haiti.
All this having been said, we don't keep the television on with the Haiti images constantly rolling in front of our children. They don't need to see hours of disturbing pictures to learn the qualities I desire for them. We limit how much news we watch about it on TV because they are already getting it everywhere anyway. There's news teasers during the shows they watch. The d.j.'s on the radio discuss it. The kids are talking about it at school. I'm not worried that they are clueless to what's going on.
And now my role is to be available to them as I allow them to learn and experience this side of life. My kids have said they felt sad about Haiti. I need to be OK that they are sad. They have felt concerned, wondering if people are still helping them or was it just for one day? I'm thankful they're concerned and that they can be reassured that help is still coming, learning that a situation like this can't be "all better" in one day. Isabella has felt helpless. I've been able to talk to her about ways even she can help by giving some of her money, praying, even loving her own friends and family during this time. My kids are learning something valuable and I am here to teach and guide them through this learning process.
Events like the tragedy in Haiti are awful. But because I chose not to shelter my children from it, my kids are able to develop compassion for those less fortunate than they. They are able to develop empathy toward others who are outside of their world experience. They begin to understand that while the world is a bigger place than they realized, they can still have an impact on it. And they will ultimately be better individuals for it.
CBS News offered a great article that includes a video on some tips for talking to your kids about tragic events such as the one in Haiti if you would like more information on this topic. Click here for a link to that article.
Please share how you are talking to your kids about this and any questions or concerns you have encountered along the way.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Consistency and a Parking Lot Time Out
Ah, my sweet Nate. He is so in a phase right now. Challenging the rules. Being extra stubborn. Whining incessantly. Pushing buttons as often as he can. Trying to find the loopholes so that he can get away with whatever it is he wants to get away with for as long as he can.
When I'm not in the midst of experiencing his "phase", there is actually a part of me that loves this aspect of him. It's a glimpse into his personality that potentially will be a great quality to have if developed in a positive way. I love watching his brain at work. He's a smart kid. The way he thinks. His logic. It's great!
And he can drive us all crazy!
I can't begin to tell you how many times Nate has heard, "Stop" in the last couple weeks. My husband and I have thrown every parenting technique his way. I seriously think he is on a secret mission to see if he can break us. To be honest, there have been a few times where I have thought that he just might.
But the key to dealing with this behavior is consistency. It's hard sometimes. It's exhausting sometimes. It's inconvenient sometimes. But all times it's necessary if I want the undesired behavior to change.
The other day, he was picking on his sister. She told him to stop several times. He didn't. I told him to stop. He didn't. I pulled him aside and gave him a firm reminder of stopping when asked to stop or he would be choosing a time out. He said he understood. We got in the car.
As I pulled out of the parking spot Nate started in on another argument with his sister. She was saying, "it is" and he was saying, "it isn't" just to be contrary. I pointed out to Nate that this is an example of picking a fight with his sister and that I was going to jump in right then and say, "stop". This shouldn't have been a problem for him since we had just talked about this. But in the ever so soft whisper of my five-year-old (who remember is always seeking out the loophole) I hear, "it isn't".
By now we're at the stoplight. I don't say anything. The light turns green. I don't say anything. I drove the car into the first parking lot across the street from where we had been and pulled into a parking space. Nate perked up and asked, "What are we doing here, Mom?".
"Well, Nate," I replied, "we're here to do a time out. I told you that would happen if you weren't going to listen and stop when you were asked to stop. I told you to stop and you still chose to whisper 'it isn't" right after I had told you to stop." Nate's face sunk. I think it was more the look of, "Dang. She caught me." But he didn't argue. Nate got out of the car and did his time out on the curb in the parking lot while Isabella, the baby and I sat in the car.
Real quick side note here. Nate was perfectly safe. I was right there beside him. He wasn't freezing. I actually reduced his time from the typical five minutes to two-and-a-half because it was chilly. Time out is never punishment. My goal is not to make my kids suffer. The purpose is to follow through with the choices they make and always mean what I say regardless of where we are. As a result, my kids know that a time out can happen anywhere, even on the side of the road. Just because we're in a car does not mean consequences can't happen.
Nate was actually pretty sweet the rest of this day and did a great job of "stopping" when asked to stop the next time the opportunity presented itself. Consistency pays off.
I know there is more to come from him. But it won't last forever. In the meantime, I remember I love him and because of this I will do my best to stay consistent.
When I'm not in the midst of experiencing his "phase", there is actually a part of me that loves this aspect of him. It's a glimpse into his personality that potentially will be a great quality to have if developed in a positive way. I love watching his brain at work. He's a smart kid. The way he thinks. His logic. It's great!
And he can drive us all crazy!
I can't begin to tell you how many times Nate has heard, "Stop" in the last couple weeks. My husband and I have thrown every parenting technique his way. I seriously think he is on a secret mission to see if he can break us. To be honest, there have been a few times where I have thought that he just might.
But the key to dealing with this behavior is consistency. It's hard sometimes. It's exhausting sometimes. It's inconvenient sometimes. But all times it's necessary if I want the undesired behavior to change.
The other day, he was picking on his sister. She told him to stop several times. He didn't. I told him to stop. He didn't. I pulled him aside and gave him a firm reminder of stopping when asked to stop or he would be choosing a time out. He said he understood. We got in the car.
As I pulled out of the parking spot Nate started in on another argument with his sister. She was saying, "it is" and he was saying, "it isn't" just to be contrary. I pointed out to Nate that this is an example of picking a fight with his sister and that I was going to jump in right then and say, "stop". This shouldn't have been a problem for him since we had just talked about this. But in the ever so soft whisper of my five-year-old (who remember is always seeking out the loophole) I hear, "it isn't".
By now we're at the stoplight. I don't say anything. The light turns green. I don't say anything. I drove the car into the first parking lot across the street from where we had been and pulled into a parking space. Nate perked up and asked, "What are we doing here, Mom?".
"Well, Nate," I replied, "we're here to do a time out. I told you that would happen if you weren't going to listen and stop when you were asked to stop. I told you to stop and you still chose to whisper 'it isn't" right after I had told you to stop." Nate's face sunk. I think it was more the look of, "Dang. She caught me." But he didn't argue. Nate got out of the car and did his time out on the curb in the parking lot while Isabella, the baby and I sat in the car.
Real quick side note here. Nate was perfectly safe. I was right there beside him. He wasn't freezing. I actually reduced his time from the typical five minutes to two-and-a-half because it was chilly. Time out is never punishment. My goal is not to make my kids suffer. The purpose is to follow through with the choices they make and always mean what I say regardless of where we are. As a result, my kids know that a time out can happen anywhere, even on the side of the road. Just because we're in a car does not mean consequences can't happen.
Nate was actually pretty sweet the rest of this day and did a great job of "stopping" when asked to stop the next time the opportunity presented itself. Consistency pays off.
I know there is more to come from him. But it won't last forever. In the meantime, I remember I love him and because of this I will do my best to stay consistent.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Year-End Letter
What a year 2009 was, huh? The inauguration of our nation’s first black president. The financial crisis. Michael Jackson dying. Balloon Boy. Amazing!
For the Wood family it was quite a year, too!
The biggest event of 2009 was the addition of our daughter, Samantha Caroline. Born in June, she kept the second half of our year full of joy. All who meet her know that she lights up the room like no other baby we’ve met. Many have commented that she makes you feel like you are her absolute favorite person in the world and she gives you a greeting like no other. We have had strangers take pictures of her or walk across the room just to meet this little girl with the full-face smile and engaging energy. A very physical baby even before she was born, she has been climbing and creeping and moving since day one. We are convinced that the only thing holding her back from taking off and running is her own little body. She also seems to be saying words. I know, it sounds like doting parents, but friends and family can attest to this. She has been saying “Hi” to people since about five months and clearly says “MaMa” and “Dad dad”. We also think she is saying “I Love” in response when we say, “I love you”. Samantha definitely seems to be doing some things ahead of her time and we’re so curious to see how this will all manifest itself in the years to come. Isabella and Nathanael adore their new sister and have been so helpful in taking care of her. And Samantha loves her big brother and sister!
Isabella started first grade this year and is enjoying school and all the friends she’s making. In December she received the Super Citizen award at her school, a very special honor. She is a very bright girl who is a great reader and is excelling in all her subjects. She has been taking piano lessons and has begun to play songs with chords and fancy rhythms. She has joined Nate in taking swim lessons and continues to play soccer in the spring and fall as one of her team’s star players. But most importantly, it has been so fun to see Isabella grow into a sweet girl who cares for others. On her own she started a donation box at our church to help raise money for the poor and she cried tears of joy for her friend who got an award at her school. She is a beautiful seven-year-old girl both inside and out!
Nathanael started a full-day ECE program at the same school Isabella attends. Bradley is an International Baccalaureate school which has been great for both kids. Nate is able to go to all the specials the upper grades go to (except for Spanish). Being able to go to art, music, P.E. and library has been a great experience for him. His teacher told us she has never had a student as far ahead of her other students as Nate and his best buddy Miles are. Nate is already reading books and has a special gift for numbers and logic. He is also quite the artist drawing amazing and imaginative pictures. A year ago, Nate asked to take swimming lessons and he has really taken off with this. At five, he can swim across the pool with great form and knows how to survive in the deep end even with his clothes on. Often feeling like he’s in Isabella’s shadow, it’s great that he has something that he is ahead of his sister in. While very much boy (after all, he did almost cut his toes off this summer, becoming our first child to rush to the emergency room), Nate also has a sweet nature and always sets the example for how to willingly share and help others.
This year we were saddened to see many of our friends and some family members lose their jobs and know how blessed we were that Asa kept his job despite being in the financial industry. As Asa’s company watched its competitors crumble or resort to taking government money, Jackson National amazingly was secure as a company and actually reported record sales this year. Asa has been extremely successful in his position as V.P. of Brand Marketing and his company continues to look for ways to reward him and acknowledge his accomplishments. More importantly, he loves his job and the people he works with. For fun, Asa continues to play on an indoor soccer team and enjoys coaching Nate’s soccer team.
Tara continues to run Xylem Family Resource and feels blessed to have two amazing new board members who are as excited about the future of Xylem as she is. She is really looking forward to what 2010 has in store for this organization that is in its sixth year. She started a blog chronicling her own parenting journey with the kids in effort to encourage other parents. You can follow these adventures at www.parentingwhatipreach.blogspot.com or at wordpress.com. She hopes to be able to do even more writing this coming year. When not doing Xylem stuff, Tara is staying home with Samantha and shuttling kids around. She also enjoys leading worship occasionally at her church.
Reflecting on this past decade, we’ve struggled finically. We’ve had many job losses and changes. But we’ve also had many successes. We’ve started a nonprofit organization that has served hundreds of families. We purchased our first house. Isabella, Nathanael and Samantha came into our lives. We’ve developed some awesome friendships. We’ve traveled to some wonderful places. And as the decade comes to a close, we find ourselves in an amazing place in life. Great jobs. Beautiful children. A wonderful church family. Dear friends. And wonder at what lies ahead of us.
Thank you for going on this life journey with us. We are so blessed to have you in our lives and look forward to continuing on with you in 2010 and the decade ahead!
Blessings!
The Wood Family
Asa, Tara, Isabella, Nathanael, and Samantha
For the Wood family it was quite a year, too!
The biggest event of 2009 was the addition of our daughter, Samantha Caroline. Born in June, she kept the second half of our year full of joy. All who meet her know that she lights up the room like no other baby we’ve met. Many have commented that she makes you feel like you are her absolute favorite person in the world and she gives you a greeting like no other. We have had strangers take pictures of her or walk across the room just to meet this little girl with the full-face smile and engaging energy. A very physical baby even before she was born, she has been climbing and creeping and moving since day one. We are convinced that the only thing holding her back from taking off and running is her own little body. She also seems to be saying words. I know, it sounds like doting parents, but friends and family can attest to this. She has been saying “Hi” to people since about five months and clearly says “MaMa” and “Dad dad”. We also think she is saying “I Love” in response when we say, “I love you”. Samantha definitely seems to be doing some things ahead of her time and we’re so curious to see how this will all manifest itself in the years to come. Isabella and Nathanael adore their new sister and have been so helpful in taking care of her. And Samantha loves her big brother and sister!
Isabella started first grade this year and is enjoying school and all the friends she’s making. In December she received the Super Citizen award at her school, a very special honor. She is a very bright girl who is a great reader and is excelling in all her subjects. She has been taking piano lessons and has begun to play songs with chords and fancy rhythms. She has joined Nate in taking swim lessons and continues to play soccer in the spring and fall as one of her team’s star players. But most importantly, it has been so fun to see Isabella grow into a sweet girl who cares for others. On her own she started a donation box at our church to help raise money for the poor and she cried tears of joy for her friend who got an award at her school. She is a beautiful seven-year-old girl both inside and out!
Nathanael started a full-day ECE program at the same school Isabella attends. Bradley is an International Baccalaureate school which has been great for both kids. Nate is able to go to all the specials the upper grades go to (except for Spanish). Being able to go to art, music, P.E. and library has been a great experience for him. His teacher told us she has never had a student as far ahead of her other students as Nate and his best buddy Miles are. Nate is already reading books and has a special gift for numbers and logic. He is also quite the artist drawing amazing and imaginative pictures. A year ago, Nate asked to take swimming lessons and he has really taken off with this. At five, he can swim across the pool with great form and knows how to survive in the deep end even with his clothes on. Often feeling like he’s in Isabella’s shadow, it’s great that he has something that he is ahead of his sister in. While very much boy (after all, he did almost cut his toes off this summer, becoming our first child to rush to the emergency room), Nate also has a sweet nature and always sets the example for how to willingly share and help others.
This year we were saddened to see many of our friends and some family members lose their jobs and know how blessed we were that Asa kept his job despite being in the financial industry. As Asa’s company watched its competitors crumble or resort to taking government money, Jackson National amazingly was secure as a company and actually reported record sales this year. Asa has been extremely successful in his position as V.P. of Brand Marketing and his company continues to look for ways to reward him and acknowledge his accomplishments. More importantly, he loves his job and the people he works with. For fun, Asa continues to play on an indoor soccer team and enjoys coaching Nate’s soccer team.
Tara continues to run Xylem Family Resource and feels blessed to have two amazing new board members who are as excited about the future of Xylem as she is. She is really looking forward to what 2010 has in store for this organization that is in its sixth year. She started a blog chronicling her own parenting journey with the kids in effort to encourage other parents. You can follow these adventures at www.parentingwhatipreach.blogspot.com or at wordpress.com. She hopes to be able to do even more writing this coming year. When not doing Xylem stuff, Tara is staying home with Samantha and shuttling kids around. She also enjoys leading worship occasionally at her church.
Reflecting on this past decade, we’ve struggled finically. We’ve had many job losses and changes. But we’ve also had many successes. We’ve started a nonprofit organization that has served hundreds of families. We purchased our first house. Isabella, Nathanael and Samantha came into our lives. We’ve developed some awesome friendships. We’ve traveled to some wonderful places. And as the decade comes to a close, we find ourselves in an amazing place in life. Great jobs. Beautiful children. A wonderful church family. Dear friends. And wonder at what lies ahead of us.
Thank you for going on this life journey with us. We are so blessed to have you in our lives and look forward to continuing on with you in 2010 and the decade ahead!
Blessings!
The Wood Family
Asa, Tara, Isabella, Nathanael, and Samantha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
