Connecting With Your Kids During the Week

I recently had a conversation with a working mom who shared with me her struggle to connect positively with her kids during the week. In the midst of getting up early, rushing to get dressed and out the door, late afternoon pick up from daycare, making dinner and getting ready for bed, there seemed to be little time to just enjoy her kids. Each day she just needed to make it through the daily routines until they could get to the weekend. Then she felt she had to make the most of the weekend to make up for what was missing during the week.

Many working parents can relate to this feeling. Truth is, many stay-at-home parents can relate to this feeling, especially those of us with kids in school. But it is not fair to our kids to only get us emotionally two days a week. It’s not fair to us, either. We need to regularly bond with our kids as much as they need to bond with us.

When we miss out on connecting with our kids during the week, we feel the consequences. Our kids begin to feel like a burden, a hassle, an added stress. We end up looking back on our week and feel like parenting is hard work. We feel guilty that we’re too busy for our kids and tell ourselves, “we’re a terrible parent”.

So, I’d like to share some things we do in our home to enjoy and connect with our kids throughout the week that fit into the daily routine.

Picnic on the floor Who says dinner always has to be at the dinner table? Sometimes, we lay down a blanket, bring out the paper plates (yea! no dishes to wash!) and eat dinner on the floor. We will often do this in front of the TV so we can watch a movie during dinner. My kids LOVE this!

Cooking with Kids Instead of setting our kids up to play or watch a video while we rush in the kitchen to make dinner, we let our kids help us make dinner. Even a two-year-old can wash the vegetables or press start on the microwave to defrost the chicken. For us, we have found that this is a great way to get our kids excited about cooking and food (my daughter’s dream is to one day be on the food network). Yes, it may mean going a little slower. But it’s not by much. If there isn’t really anything the kids can do, we sit them up on the counter to have them watch us so we can talk to them while we cook. We sing with them and talk to them about their day. All while getting dinner done.

Car Sing-a-Long Many parents play kids CD’s in their car to keep their kids entertained. In our car, I sing along with my kids. It’s a way to enter into their world and have fun with them. It does mean we’ve had to pick out CD’s that I can stomach. I cannot handle the cheesy kids songs that are out there. Our family enjoys the Curious George soundtrack. I get my Jack Johnson and they get fun kid songs. But my experience is that kids enjoy any music. It doesn’t have to have a kid sticker on it. My kids also enjoy listening to my radio station and my CD’s. They’re familiar with the songs and we all enjoy singing along together. Forcing myself to sing along with my kids has turned around many a grouchy morning for me.

Do Your Homework WITH Your Kids Read all about this one in my post a few weeks ago, Homework Strategies Part 2.

Here Comes the Clothes Monster When my kids were littler, instead of battling them over getting their jammies on or their socks and shoes on, I turned it into a game and had fun. Oh No! Here comes the Jammie Monster. I’m coming to get you! Here I come! And I grab you and tickle you and pull off your shirt and tickle you while I put on your jammie top. You cannot escape me. I get you I get you I get you!….Now imagine with me the squeals of laughter I got with this approach vs the yelling and frustration I experienced doing it the boring way. A great bonding moment that takes five minutes AND the clothes get on.

Now that my kids are older, we still do games around getting ready. I’ll say, “I bet I can get my jammies on before you” and I race my kids over who can get dressed first. Or we’ll blast a fun song on the iPod for us to jam to while we get ready.

Love Notes put love notes in my kids’ lunches every time. I’ve been doing this since preschool (they would have their teachers read the short note to them). These notes mean a lot to my kids. Sometimes I pick my daughter up from school and she has taped the note from her lunch onto her shirt and my son will have his in his pocket. Writing the note makes me pause a moment to think about how I’d like to connect with each child later in their day even though I’m not with them. Love notes can also be hidden in their coat pockets, their books, or any other item where they can discover it later.

These are just some of the things I do with my kids throughout the week. The point is, I am intentional about it. I know my time is limited with them during the week, so I have to take what we have and find ways to use our routine to connect with each other. As a result, I find I enjoy my kids more during the week. I’m not so tired at the end of the day. I look forward to being with them. And I don’t feel guilty that I’m not giving my kids enough attention or the need to compensate on the weekend for what was lacking during the week.

I’d love to hear what you do or what you are going to try to do throughout the week to stay connected with your kids beyond the daily routine. We can all use more ideas.

You Are a Good Parent

Today I want to encourage you.

You are not a terrible parent. In fact, I know you are a good parent because you are seeking out ways to become better at what you do with your kids. You came searching for solutions to things you're struggling with. Or you knew this blog was here and came to read what it had to say because you want to soak up as many parenting ideas as possible. You know you don't have all the answers. You know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent (except for our Divine Father...which is a whole other blog post). And because you know this, you want to learn more ways to be better at this parenting job of yours. You love your kids and you want what's best for them. And a good parent like you knows that since you're one of the most important influences in your child's life, they deserve the best from you.

And yet, if you're like many of the parents I come across, you feel like you're a terrible parent because you don't know all the answers to your parenting questions. Your kids do frustrate you. You get angry at them. You find yourself at a lost for how to deal with those recurring behaviors. There are times you feel like you are completely out of control and it overwhelms you. And because you feel this way, you feel like you're failing. Or you feel guilty because the only thing you know what to do in such situations are things you swore you'd never do.

You are not a terrible parent. You just don't know what to do instead.

Read those two sentences again.

The love we feel for our children, the desire to protect them, our desire to be the best parent possible for them, these things are innate. How we carry these things out practically is not. Parenting skills are learned. Most of us have not been taught great parenting skills. Many of us were actually taught very poor parenting skills. How you parent your own kids was taught to you primarily by those who parented you. And even though you swore you would never yell like your mother or give in like your father, when all else fails and you don't know what else to do, you find yourself falling back on what you DO know and doing the things you saw your own parents do in similar situations.

This is good news. It means you are not a bad parent. You just do what you know how to do.

This is good news because how you parent is a learned behavior.

This is good news because you can learn something different. You can learn more skills. You can learn to be a better parent. You can learn parenting strategies that actually work so you don't have to get so angry. You don't have to yell. You can actually feel successful in your parenting. And when you keep learning new and better strategies and commit yourself to putting them into practice it won't be long before you realize what I knew about you from the beginning.

You are good parent.