A Time To Grieve

The hardest thing by far for me as a parent is that helpless feeling I have when my children are in pain. I would do anything to take their hurt, or sorrow, or sadness away.

Which is why the hardest part of our move to Ohio has been the grief it has caused my children.

I think forever in my memory will be the day we told the kids we would be traveling to Cleveland to see if it could be a place we would be willing to live. The opportunity for my husband came quickly and without warning, especially to the kids. Originally there was silence and processing. There was disappointment and worry. But overall, it had gone better than I had expected.

A few hours later, I had taken the kids to swim lessons and was waiting out by the pool for Isabella to come out of the changing room. I looked up and saw my beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed girl running toward me, tears streaming down her face, choking back sobs. She threw her arms around me and began to cry.

My mind raced. Did she stub a toe? Did someone in the changing room say something mean? What, Isabella? What is it?

She could hardly spit out the words between her sobs.

I don't want to move. Please don't make us move.

My instinct in this moment was to immediately tell her it was going to be OK. I wanted to tell her not to cry. That this was going to be a fun adventure. I wanted to get her to focus on all of the positive the job promotion for Daddy was going to provide for our family. Essentially, I didn't want her to hurt. I wanted to take away the pain.

But the truth is, my little girl was grieving. And she had every right to feel the things she was feeling. Because I was feeling them, too.

And so I held her tight. I didn't say anything for a long time. I just let her cry and cry and cry and cry.

I listened as she told me how she didn't want to leave her friends.

I know, Isabella. It will be very hard to leave them.

I listened as she said she would miss Grandma, and Grandpa, and Papa D and Pop Pop, because we won't be able to see them whenever we want.

I know, Isabella. It will be hard to be so far away from the people we love so much.

I listened as she said she really wanted to go to her new school and be with her best friend.

Yes, Isabella. I know. I know.

I listened as she said she didn't want to move far away to a place she didn't know. She didn't want to not know anybody and have to make new friends. Please Mommy. I don't want to go!

I know, Isabella. I know. It will be hard. It is scary. We will miss our friends so so much. And it is OK to cry. It is OK to feel sad. It is OK to grieve.

As a mom, I want to take the pain away from my children. These past weeks I have wanted to take it away when my kids clung tightly to their best friends and cried and cried the night before we left. I wanted to take it away when my son told me before he went to sleep that he just wanted to go back to Colorado to be with his friend and that he was feeling "sad in his heart". I wanted to take it away when my 14-month-old baby leaped out of my arms in effort to reach into the computer toward Grandma as we were Skyping and then scream and cry as I pulled her away from the screen so her older brother could have a turn talking.

I want to take it away. But I can't.

There is a time to give hope. There is a time to give reassurance. There is a time move forward and focus on the new.

But I have learned through this immensely emotional time for my family, that there is a time for all of us, children included, to grieve. And that is important, too.

Where Have I Been - Big Changes Coming

Sorry to be MIA for a while. Life is changing very fast in the Wood household and I'm barely keeping up. Here is the letter I've been sharing letting people know what's going on. Hang in there with me. I'll be back and posting regularly again soon!!!!

Dear friends,

It is with mixed emotions that I share some important news that affects my family and the future of Xylem.

About four weeks ago, my husband Asa was offered a position in Ohio. Three weeks ago, his company flew our family out to the Cleveland area to get a feel for the area and determine whether or not we would be willing to take the position. Two weeks ago my husband officially signed the contract for his new job. It is all moving very quickly, and we will be moving to Cleveland next week so that he can start August 1.

This is an incredible opportunity for Asa for a variety of reasons and it was hard to pass it up. However, it is with very heavy hearts that we are leaving everything we know here in Colorado including family, friends, our church community, and familiarity. But we are also excited to see what God has in store for us in Ohio.

With the support of the Xylem board we have decided to bring Xylem with us. This is actually a fairly simple process, in some ways easier than shutting the organization completely down. We will be donating a large portion of the Xylem assets to a ministry here in Denver and bringing the rest with us. The plan is to still be assessable to the many families we’ve worked with here in Colorado through Facebook, my blog and phone and e-mail consults. Some of the families that have benefited from Xylem in other states, and even in other countries (England, Australia and Germany), should not be affected and can continue to benefit from the support Xylem offers.

Tim and Nina Sloan, who are current board members, have been great this past year and will help make sure the transition is smooth. They have provided amazing leadership this past year and have been supportive in making the decision to transfer Xylem to Ohio. I am so grateful to have had them this past year and especially now during this time of transition.

You can read the formal announcement regarding the moving of Xylem from our board president, Tim on the Xylem Family Resource Facebook page. This provides further answers to questions regarding how this decision was made and what it means for the future of Xylem.

Once in Ohio, I hope to do some speaking at MOPS groups and local churches in the Cleveland area within the next year, but will begin by primarily putting my focus on the social networking sites, my blog other writing opportunities that have presented themselves this year and working with families via phone and e-mail. Xylem has developed a wonderful reputation the past six years and has gained a lot of credibility within the church community. Through talking to many individuals, including those in Ohio, it was determined that keeping Xylem and its nonprofit status would be an asset in opening new opportunities in Ohio so that Xylem can continue the work of restoring the sacredness of family.

I have been truly blessed by my community in Denver and cannot even begin to express my sadness in having to say good-bye to the place I’ve called home for most of my life. However, Colorado cannot get rid of me that easily. We have family in Colorado, close friends, not to mention that Asa’s company is located here, so we will be back often to visit.

If you haven’t already, please become a fan of Xylem on Facebook and follow me on my blog www.parentingwhatipreach.blogspot.com to stay in touch on the adventures of Xylem. And of course I will remain a regular presence on my personal Facebook page.

Please keep my family in your prayers as we begin this new adventure. You will most definitely remain in ours.

Blessings!
Tara