Kids and Media

It comes up all the time in parenting conversations. What is OK for our kids to watch on TV and movies? Do we let them play video games and on the computer?

This is a huge topic with lots to be addressed in the discussion. I could probably write a book just on this (maybe I will someday). But for now, let me just briefly share how I address this with my kids.

To start with, my husband and I have developed a set of values that are the foundation for everything we do regarding our kids. These values are the things that we have decided are most important to us as a family and that we want our children to possess as adults. For us it’s things like loving and caring for others, respecting ourselves and others, and not using violence to solve problems.

We also are aware of the developmental and cognitive abilities of our children. For instance, kids are slow to develop abstract thinking, a skill that doesn’t really set in until around age 10. And preschoolers and early elementary-aged children still struggle with making the distinction between reality and fantasy.

Additionally, we’re aware that one of the ways kids learn what we value and what is important to us is by observing where we spend our time. If we say it is important to us to love and care for others but then spend a significant amount of time watching movies or playing video games where this isn’t the case, we’re sending a mixed message to our kids. We can’t fool ourselves that kids will be able to believe us when we say it’s not OK to solve our problems by hitting but then have them watch us be regularly entertained by people duking it out or shooting each other. So, we are very conscious of what we allow our kids to see us paying attention to.

With our standards in place and keeping in mind how our kids are learning, it becomes easier to make decisions about all our various parenting practices including what kinds of media to expose our kids to.

My husband and I are very careful when choosing what movies, video games and books our kids can watch and read and try to eliminate those that are strong in the behaviors we don’t want our kids to model. We don’t want to teach our children that violence and foul language and promiscuous behavior is appropriate, entertaining, and acceptable at any time.

That being said, even classic fairy tales have elements of violence and instances of not caring for others. We can’t possibly (and don’t want to) eliminate every single movie, game, or book from our children’s lives. We don’t want to raise sheltered children. This means that most of the time we have to be very involved in the media that our kids are interacting with so that we can address any behavior that goes against our values as a family. And if we don’t want to be involved, or don’t have time to be, then we flat out won’t allow them to watch or play or read that particular title at that time.

Here’s a recent example of how I stayed involved in the media my kids were watching. Last week I took the kids to see Disney Pixar’s ”UP” (great movie by the way). But there were several instances throughout the movie that went against our family values. Instead of packing up the kids and “rescuing them,” I actively stayed engaged throughout the movie, ready to answer their questions and searching for teachable moments. At one point I whispered to them, “That wasn’t very nice, was it?” when the old man whacked another guy in the head causing him to bleed. And then pointed out to my kids the consequence the old man received as a result of his behavior. We also processed together many of the events of the movie on the way home. I didn’t just leave it at “did you like the movie?”

In case you’re also wondering, I do let my kids play on the computer. They are allowed on NickJr.com, Playhouse Disney, and PBS kids, three sites that I know are fun, educational and I feel comfortable enough about the material that I don’t feel I always have to stay fully involved when my kids are playing there. Any other sites they visit are only when I am sitting there with them. Now that she’s starting to grow out of the younger preschool sites, my school-aged daughter and I are gradually exploring other sites that she can visit that I will eventually feel comfortable enough to let her play on without me right beside her.

As for video games, we have a Wii and they play Mario Kart and the various sports games we have. We introduced them to Star Wars by letting them play Lego Star Wars, originally playing with them. But that’s about it for now.

They can watch PBS on TV anytime when I’m not in the room. And Qubo on Saturday mornings. All other programs they ask permission to watch or watch with a parent.

And if you’re wondering about toy guns in our house, we do have water guns and Jedi Light Sabers. The rule is we cannot shoot or kill people even in play. They can shoot monsters and robots, but not people. We explain to them regularly that we don’t even pretend to hurt people and we don’t find people getting hurt entertaining.

However, we also regularly watch The Simpsons with our kids (switching the channel briefly when Itchy and Scratchy come on). We have watched with them Star Wars movies 3, 4, and 5. And while the majority of the time we listen to Way FM in the mini van, my daughter’s two favorite songs are”Root Down” by the Beastie Boys and “Holiday” by Greenday. Nate likes Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” and Rihanna’s “Please Don’t Stop the Music”.

Like I said at the beginning, this is a big topic and there is plenty more to be said about it. Let’s chew on this much for now. What would you like to see addressed on this topic in the future? What questions do you have? Leave a comment below.