My Three Kids Aren't a Handful

Samantha was on my hip with a big smile. Nathanael and Isabella had happily skipped away, each with a penny in their hand to go ride the horse. I stood at the checkout pleased with how quickly this trip to the grocery store went preparing to swipe my credit card for payment.

And then the checkout man made "the comment".

"Wow! You sure have your hands full."

This is just one of the many versions of this type of comment that people offer to parents, especially those of us with more than one child. The comments range from "Bless your heart for taking care of three kids, " to "You are so brave to take all your kiddos out," to "Three kids! Wow! One is plenty for me!"

I'm not sure who decided way back when that comments like these were like the secret handshake amongst adults. For me, comments like these fall into the same category as "people who feel like they can touch your tummy when you're pregnant"and "people who grab your baby's hands or face in effort to make baby interact with them." Absolutely annoying!

I guess it annoys me so much because I don't view my kids as a handful. I don't think for a moment that I'm some super hero for raising three kids (there are plenty of parents out there who have way more children to care for than I do), and I actually love having more than one child. In fact, I think having more than one child is easier and more fun in many ways than just having one.

Sure, there are moments in time when three is overwhelming. But for me, these are exceptions and not the general rule of life with three kids.

More importantly, I hate that my kids keep hearing these comments from adults. I've got to think at some point they've got to wonder whether adults really think that kids are such a life burden. It is for this reason that I am always quick to respond to such comments with a, "Nah, my kids are great," or "The two older ones are actually 'big helps' and are great to their little sister" or "I love having more than one!" I make sure my kids hear my response as often as possible. Even when they aren't around, I still respond positively about my kids. What I say about them when they can't hear me is just as important as what I say when they can.

People are usually surprised by my comeback I think because I'm supposed to seem grateful that they are being sympathetic to the assumed plight of a mom with multiple children. And I think I may offend them that I'm not participating correctly in this social exchange that is supposed to be accepted. But I want them to know that my kids are not a handful. They are really great kids with great hearts. They are good listeners and super helpful and generally really easy to go just about anywhere with. And I am so proud to be their mom!

So, please, stop the sympathetic comments. If you're a parent, don't play into this terrible exchange that occurs among adults. Join with me in letting others know that these comments are no longer the secret handshake amongst parents. Let's stand up for our kids and let the world know they are not a burden. Let's let the world know that having more than one child is a blessing, not a curse.

Maybe we can even start a new secret exchange. Maybe something like, "Three kids? Wow! How awesome!" A wink and a hive five would be fun, too!