Consistency and a Parking Lot Time Out

Ah, my sweet Nate. He is so in a phase right now. Challenging the rules. Being extra stubborn. Whining incessantly. Pushing buttons as often as he can. Trying to find the loopholes so that he can get away with whatever it is he wants to get away with for as long as he can.

When I'm not in the midst of experiencing his "phase", there is actually a part of me that loves this aspect of him. It's a glimpse into his personality that potentially will be a great quality to have if developed in a positive way. I love watching his brain at work. He's a smart kid. The way he thinks. His logic. It's great!

And he can drive us all crazy!

I can't begin to tell you how many times Nate has heard, "Stop" in the last couple weeks. My husband and I have thrown every parenting technique his way. I seriously think he is on a secret mission to see if he can break us. To be honest, there have been a few times where I have thought that he just might.

But the key to dealing with this behavior is consistency. It's hard sometimes. It's exhausting sometimes. It's inconvenient sometimes. But all times it's necessary if I want the undesired behavior to change.

The other day, he was picking on his sister. She told him to stop several times. He didn't. I told him to stop. He didn't. I pulled him aside and gave him a firm reminder of stopping when asked to stop or he would be choosing a time out. He said he understood. We got in the car.

As I pulled out of the parking spot Nate started in on another argument with his sister. She was saying, "it is" and he was saying, "it isn't" just to be contrary. I pointed out to Nate that this is an example of picking a fight with his sister and that I was going to jump in right then and say, "stop". This shouldn't have been a problem for him since we had just talked about this. But in the ever so soft whisper of my five-year-old (who remember is always seeking out the loophole) I hear, "it isn't".

By now we're at the stoplight. I don't say anything. The light turns green. I don't say anything. I drove the car into the first parking lot across the street from where we had been and pulled into a parking space. Nate perked up and asked, "What are we doing here, Mom?".

"Well, Nate," I replied, "we're here to do a time out. I told you that would happen if you weren't going to listen and stop when you were asked to stop. I told you to stop and you still chose to whisper 'it isn't" right after I had told you to stop." Nate's face sunk. I think it was more the look of, "Dang. She caught me." But he didn't argue. Nate got out of the car and did his time out on the curb in the parking lot while Isabella, the baby and I sat in the car.
Real quick side note here. Nate was perfectly safe. I was right there beside him. He wasn't freezing. I actually reduced his time from the typical five minutes to two-and-a-half because it was chilly. Time out is never punishment. My goal is not to make my kids suffer. The purpose is to follow through with the choices they make and always mean what I say regardless of where we are. As a result, my kids know that a time out can happen anywhere, even on the side of the road. Just because we're in a car does not mean consequences can't happen.

Nate was actually pretty sweet the rest of this day and did a great job of "stopping" when asked to stop the next time the opportunity presented itself. Consistency pays off.

I know there is more to come from him. But it won't last forever. In the meantime, I remember I love him and because of this I will do my best to stay consistent.