Goof-Ball Under Control

My daughter, Isabella can be a bit of a goof-ball. She loves to get silly. Unfortunately, she's not always the best at knowing when it's appropriate to be silly or when it's time to stop. Recently, this has started to interfere with her piano lessons. Now, I understand that her lesson on Thursdays is about an hour after school gets out, right about the time her pent up energy is about to explode. And I also understand that having a different person than her mom and dad to show off to is quite exciting. But it is still important for her to learn when being silly is appropriate and when it's time to stop regardless of the situation.

The past few weeks, piano lessons from my perspective have been a very high maintenance experience for her teacher. While her teacher is great and actually specializes in Isabella's age group, having a high-energy goof-ball as a student has got to get under the skin of even the most kid-loving adult, especially when they're trying their best to try to teach them something in a very short amount of time.

I have talked to Isabella after class several times about her behavior and why it was inappropriate. I have even spoken up in the middle of her lesson to try to redirect her. In both cases, I usually speak with a very firm voice and a "you're not making a very good choice" lecture. I always tell parents that when a strategy doesn't work, don't keep trying to make it work. Yet, that's what I was doing. My strategy hadn't worked no matter how many times I tried. It was time to get unstuck and try for a different approach.

So this time on the way to her lesson, I had Isabella tell me what she was going to do differently this week in lessons. When she told me she was going to listen and do what she was being asked to do, I had her tell me what her plan was for when she felt like getting too silly. After thinking about it, she told me she was going to take a deep breath and tell her body to calm down. Then I had her imagine herself going through her lesson with her teacher being a good listener, doing what she was being asked to do, and learning new things on the piano. I also had her imagine needing to calm herself down when she felt like getting silly so that she could do all those things effectively.

As we pulled up to the house I asked her, "Are you ready for a great lesson today?" With a big smile Isabella said, "Yup, I am!" And she was. She had a great lesson and kept her silliness under control (at least within a reasonable range). Isabella (not me) needed to prepare herself for a great lesson. I only coached her through that process. And she needed to know what to do when she was getting off track. Just telling her to stop didn't help her. She needed a plan for what to do instead. Again, she came up with the plan, I just helped her get started.

It was a perfect reminder of how being proactive toward undesired behavior is usually more effective, and positive, than being reactive. And it was way more fun to praise and celebrate with her the good job she did on the way home than scold and lecture her. A win for both of us!